07/16/12

'date night':


Was a nightmare.

Met at Yazoo Brewery and had a couple beers while talking with Brandi and Brian. We had a gift card for a chain of pricey, trendy restaurants in that area, and that was the plan. When we were getting ready to leave, he suggested we go to 'The Pharmacy' - a trendy burger place down the road. So we get there, and it's at least an hour wait. They had a long line and I told him I wasn't going to wait an hour for a burger - he suggests another place, and as we are about to pull up, I asked 'how expensive is this place?'. 'Well, it won't be cheap, but you wanted a date night'. I snapped. Guilting me when all this was his idea! I pulled over, started crying. Petty reason to cry? Sure, but I had so much frustration about his behavior built up, that his snide little comment set me off. I told him all the things I'd been upset about - in standard fashion he was more annoyed than anything, and I asked him to drive home - I didn't know the way and wasn't in the mood to take direction from him. Asking that favor led to him out of nowhere, mocking how he thinks I drive my car - grinding the gear, lurching, slamming on the brakes saying things like 'see, now I drive like you. I should have bought you an automatic, since you can't seem to drive a stick' and yada yada yada......really? I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out, and this is your solution?? Further mocking me?

We got home and I flat out ignored him for at least an hour - sitting on the bed reading, calming down. He actually came up there. A first. We talked, more politely....I explained to him how important he is to me, and how badly he's been hurting me with his petty comments. He apologized and the rest of the night went better. This was all new for him, and I was quite surprised. Maybe there is hope.

However last night he ticked me off again - it came back to the camper. We have to put it in the garage, and I suggested putting the bikes in the dining room, since we never use it. This wasn't going to work - clearly. He was afraid of what his parents would think when they came to visit. So I told him I'd bring the camper to GA and dad and I could work on it, he wouldn't have to see it. He said 'fine, but bring back every single receipt for gas, and we'll deduct that from your savings'. Seriously?? Goes back to the IM conversation where he told me I had to sell it. Then he suggested I sell my bike, I don't use it often anyway.....I told him I can bring that to GA too and he won't have to be worried about it. His reply? "well, so ahead and take the dogs too since you seem to be moving your things down there". Naturally, he should be allowed to have a house full of things he never uses, but it's somehow 'different' than me keeping my own motorcycle. So - I listed that on Craigslist too. Just to make him happy.

Anyway - guy came to look at the camper yesterday, offered me $750 on it and without skipping a beat, I said 'ok'. Rob asked why I didn't negotiate for $800, and all I said was 'you wanted it gone, now it's gone'. Oh.....and so...the woman that was over with the guy to get the camper, asked me about our patio - who had done it, etc.....I told her to ask Rob, he has the guy's info. He goes and tells her that HE did it. Really? Is his ego so blown, or his self confidence so low that he would tell someone he poured, stamped, and stained our patio? All he did was write the check to the guy that did.

I don't know what his deal is lately......but it needs to end. I'm thinking it's low self esteem and lack of self confidence. He continually says how I have these issues, I need counseling, I'm the negative one - but here are two signs of low self confidence:

"3. Guilt. He always tells you "Look what I have done for you!" Somehow all events and conversations turns to it is about him and what HE has done for you

4. Your Fault. Any disagreements or strife is always gets turned around to somehow it was your fault that created it. HE never takes accountability for his own behavior"

Two things I hear over and over in arguments. Now I don't claim to be perfect - I screw up a lot, but I can admit my weaknesses, not blame them on someone else. I do love him more than anything and want so desperately to get past this....I just wish he would realize he isn't perfect - and learn to embrace it.