07/12/12

Anger, Disappointment, No Support:

I swear - sometimes he can be the biggest asshole. So I find out that I didn't make the team....should I have been surprised? No, not really. Was I still disappointed? Absolutely. I was the 5th best skater, but lack the beautiful hair that all the other girls had.

So I PM him to tell him that I didn't make the team, that next year I'll get extensions or something and a better outfit and that he's off the hook this year, because I would have needed new skates anyway since mine are 16 years old, and my ankles are still bruised from Sunday's tryouts....and it's now Thursday.

Told him that maybe for Christmas I can get new boots. His first response? '$1000?'. I told him no, that there were some on sale for $250 - sent him a link to some that were on closeout for $270. 'oh, so they aren't $250, more like $300'. I explained that it was just one link to some that were on sale - there were others that were less.

I tell him I want to skate a couple times a month, he automatically says that's fine, he'll cancel the membership to the Y.....since the $20 it will cost me will surely break the bank and we just can't afford all this. Like he's trying to make me feel guilty about wanting to do something.

This opens a can of worms. Here I am fighting back tears from an insensitive husband who didn't give me one supportive word that I didn't make the team, but instead lectured me about spending money. How I used to be frugal, and now that we are married I just love spending all his money, buying a camper, new work clothes, a bike'. I reminded him that the camper and bike were bought with money I got from the selling the moped I won - and that when we just dropped $1300 on disc brakes for the VW with the b-day money he was given, I didn't say a word to him. He says that's different. Then he brings up the townhouse, asking if it's paid off (he knows it's not, we just had this discussion last month) So....I owe on something, I should never buy myself another thing until it's paid off. He owes on things, he can buy what he wants, and it's somehow different. Then he brings up about the tattoo I want, that'll cost money too ($75). I reminded him that I was supposed to get it for my b-day AND I ended up having to return another gift he'd given me ($100 I won't see again - since I was suppose to use it towards a wide angle, that now I can't get either).

I could be one of these snotty materialistic women who like designer clothes, expensive shoes, and $300 purses, but I'm not. I spent a couple hundred bucks he told me to spend on a new work wardrobe at kohl's and spend the rest of my money on groceries and gas......and I'm told I need to cut corners.

I was also just told that I am to sell my camper. Since it'll cost money to keep it in storage. I told him that it's mine - I'll do with it what I want. And now I can't go pick up my pics at costco, and that we will not be entering anything in the wilson county fair (total cost for everything I'm doing for it - $17) Seventeen dollars.


I'm trying to not cry....and I'm so mad that I'm shaking and could puke. I'll only assume this voids out date night tomorrow that we had planned.....with HIS suggestion of stopping by the tattoo place. HA!!!