04/19/13

until it happens.....:


you can sorta mentally prepare for a worst case scenario. Then it presents itself and you realize how unprepared you actually were.

Rob was snippy as soon as I got in - all over an avocado. I mentioned putting some on my burger and he replied 'oh, that does sound good'. I start to cut it, and ask if he wants some. 'no'. 'you just said it sounded good' 'ok, if it'll make you happy'. 'this isn't about eating it to make me happy, I don't care if you don't want any, I was just wondering because a minute ago you said you wanted some'.

Here it begins.

He doesn't know why I keep acting like I do - I tell him the same. Naturally, and in his fashion, he denies he does anything wrong. He says I've been 'burning the candle from both ends' for a couple months now. What have I done in a couple months? When it comes to him - nothing out of the ordinary, except for the fact that when I learned he wouldn't care much about what I say, I started to treat him the same.

I tell him 'so, ok - you think I'm not doing anything, I think you aren't doing anything - let's figure out what we need to do'. His reply 'eh, I'll give it a couple more months'.

His 'list':

No more 'yelling' at the dogs. I don't yell. I speak firmly when they need it. I told him I can stop getting on their case when they chew on their feet, and we can let them chew their feet til they bleed.

Next, it is my 'duty' to give him sex every time he asks for it. I said "really??". Yes, Every time. By doing so he will apparently start to respect me more. Like it's some sort of trade off!?

He says 'his part' is 1.paying the bills. I reminded him that 3/4 of everything I make goes to him. It's not just him paying the bills. 2. He pays for me to have nice things, like a car.

With everything he says I'm more than in agreement with him and I can tell this was not the reaction he was expecting. 3. no more alcohol ever again. This is his last straw to get me to disagree most likely so he has means for the 'big D' - me not agreeing to do everything I can. He says he'll make up a list, on paper, to hang on the fridge with everything else he will require.

The best part of this - he didn't once ask what he could do. The strongest indication that he's already given up.

Just like last time he got like this and cast me aside - it's easier to give up when things get tough than to have patience and put forth effort. Not just fall asleep on the couch at 8pm every night and get testy all the time and blame me.

He also brought up how he wanted kids and I said before 'at the end of the year' and it still hasn't happened. I told him I wasn't ready until I knew we would be okay - that bringing a kid into a broken and stressed house wouldn't fix anything, but only make it worse.

He said I should put my money into fixing up the house since I seem to hate the house, I hate the neighbors, I hate the neighborhood, I apparently hate this and hate that. I told him he was being really negative, I didn't hate anything. I told him 'sure, I tire of the drama, sure there's a couple people I don't like, find someone else in this neighborhood who doesn't feel the same'. Naturally, he claims it's him. He likes everyone. I politely reminded him that I'd heard him many times calling some of them names in the past. He got quiet and I told him that he needed to stop putting on a face to try and sound better than everyone. Just to be himself, be normal. Say what he's feeling.