It's incredibly hard to describe how I'm feeling. Part of me understands and accepts what has happened, but another part of me doesn't think it's actually real. This is a first for me. We always had a family pet and I dealt with the loss of her, but Dora was my little girl - So I'm not entirely sure how I'm supposed to feel. Maybe I'm crazy.
Actually - I probably am. Her favorite toy was always 'hula'. This little orange Hawaiian cat toy that once had little round hands and feet attached with strings. Dora loved strings, and now it's a little orange cat torso. And it's in my pocket. I carry it around. I even sleep with it. Strangely enough I fall asleep with it in my hand, and I don't know how, but it's still in my hand when I wake up in the mornings. I will lose the remote, my glasses, my cell phone, all while asleep, but a small stuffed cat.....never.
Told you I'm not good at letting go.
Taco is starting to fight the depression of losing her as well. I was putting all her little shirts in a container (can't let go of those either) and he came upstairs, laid down on the bed, and put his head on one. When I went back downstairs, he was still there.....he wouldn't move and he had the saddest look in his eyes. Now it's not just me I have to worry about getting over this, but him too. It's hard to understand loss when you are a dog who already understands so little.
I've gone through the stages, the anger, the guilt, and I'm somewhere lost between denial and acceptance. Which is a very strange place to be. I feel like nothing is wrong, and then realize there's a little orange cat torso in my pocket reminding me that I won't go home to a little blind and deaf dog, who miraculously always seemed to know when I pulled up in the driveway. We had that sort of bond though.....and she always came to me first - when she was scared or hurt or just wanted to be held. Maybe that's why I felt the guilt and anger - like I let her down.
I don't know.
Limbo is a strange place to be. Especially when there's no blind dog to guide you through it.
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I still feel like that about snookie, he passed away almost 2 years ago, I was the one to bring him to the vet. I know it was the right thing to do but I still have not come to term with it. I feel like its not real. Like somewhere in the world he is still alive. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm here if you need to vent. I loved Dora too and still remember the day you brought her home.
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