I've made it a goal this year - that 2013 would be the year of 'me'. To anyone who used to follow my blogs (both this one and the 'I'm living with a psycho' blog) you know I've got a lot of ups and downs. It's not that I appreciate the drama, I'm just really good at being indecisive and living in a constant state of confusion wondering if I'm doing the right thing - which to that I blame years of abusive relationships and constant negative judgement.
Regardless, there are many days I'm not exactly 'happy'. Not that I don't appreciate all that I've got. I have a job, a crazy husband, a house, and a couple of hairless dogs that I love to no end. Sure this feeling of emptiness and unhappiness may be the norm in everyone's life. Wake up, pack lunches, eat breakfast, walk dogs, sit in traffic for an hour, sit in a windowless office alone with no human interaction for 9 hours, another hour in traffic just to go home and clean, go to sleep and let it all start again. Maybe most the world feels the same, but I've got this mindset that there's really more to life, and while work is necessary for survival, there are more things I can do to enjoy the short time I have on this earth.
So this year - no resolutions. Except to really figure out what makes me happy.
figure skating
photography
okay - I'm going to build on that.
Work is a bit depressing since being moved down the hall into 'the box' in January. Blank walls may persuade creativity to some, but not me. I sit here and I keep looking through all these kitschy creative quotes on Pinterest.....about pushing yourself outside your 'comfort zone' to find true happiness. This is what I've been keeping in mind this year as I start my little project. For a couple years I've been tossing around the idea of Real Estate photography. I'm not good at photographing people, as social skills and communication are not my strong points. Nature and architecture is where I best excel. I looked into starting up a business of my own and soon realized it will more than likely prove to be a lot of work while reaping few benefits. Then it clicked - why not call the company that every agent in Nashville calls to shoot a house.
Step one - go outside that comfort zone - cold calling looking for work.
...and it worked.
It's been a slow start up process due to my work schedule, but I now am a photographer for Nashville's largest Real Estate photography company. Patience is required in all this getting off the ground, but in time it will turn into my full time job, allowing me to make 3x what I am now, and getting the freedom of working in my area, and setting my own schedule.
...all because I pushed myself outside the comfort zone.
Skating - something I keep telling myself I'll get back into but never seem to actually do. I'm making it a point this year to not only stick to it, but to get all my jumps and spins back, and dominate the Preds tryouts in summer. This will be my 3rd time trying out. I could give up since I know I'm probably not the type they are looking for, but in all honesty, I could have done better - and knowing that is enough to know that this year, I'm not holding back. This year it may cost me a bit more for tryouts - since I'm going to go and get my hair all done up, and invest in an outfit that will knock them all out. Without a doubt I will be lectured for spending money on it, but I'd rather be out a little money and catch some hell than to watch the years go by thinking I passed up an opportunity to do something most girls only dream of.
Last weekend I laced up my old figure skates for the last time, at the rink I grew up in, glided across the smooth ice, and jumped my last jump in the 16 year old skates that got me through many competitions in my younger years. Next week I start the new chapter by setting foot on the ice in new skates.....and with new hope.
